Dating an introvert: 10 tips to keep in mind

You may be struggling a little bit if you are dating an introvert, especially if you are an extrovert and still in the early stage of the relationship. The early phase of any romantic relationship is all about getting to know each other better. Understanding an introvert can be hard at times, as they tend to be quiet and comfortable in their own thoughts. But that doesn’t mean dating an introvert is not possible. Here are a few signs to know if you are dating an introvert and what you can do to make the relationship a happy and healthy one.

What does being an introvert mean?

An introvert is someone who is more turned inwards, is quieter, more self-reflective, and doesn’t necessarily enjoy continuous socialisation. He or she is more comfortable with an intimate group of friends. An introvert is often an astute observer, someone who prefers conversations that are stimulating and necessary, often not believing in small talk, explains relationship coach and psychotherapist Rohini Rajeev.

Is it hard to date an introvert?

An introvert is comfortable in his or her own thoughts and needs the space to reflect on how the external world affects them. But dating an introvert is not necessarily hard. For any healthy relationship, respect, interest, reciprocity and understanding from the partner are important. Kindness also goes a long way to keep the happiness levels up. It is necessary to get to know your partner and their ways, and accept them as they are. Respecting each other’s space while building trust remains critical, says the expert.

What are the signs you are dating an introvert?

Here are some ways of knowing that you are dating an introvert:

• They take their own time to get to know you before sharing their lives with you. Introverts believe in genuine connections over superfluous ones.
• They are glad when you lead social situations and look out for them.
• They love it when you have meaningful conversations with them and they have to listen. Introverts are deep listeners who are truly interested in what you have to share.
• They understand and respect your need for space and independence.
• They prefer a quiet dinner at home to a party at a pub.

Tips to date an introvert

Here are a few point that can enhance your experience of dating an introvert.

1. Be interested in them

Ask questions. Be curious without being intrusive. Early on in the relationship, take the lead to share things about yourself and be gentle and genuine, suggests Rohini. Remember, it takes an introvert a lot to step out of their comfort zone and connect with someone new, but this is in no way a reflection of their interest in you; they simply take time and the awkwardness will disappear as time brings you closer.

2. Build a genuine connection

Dating an introvert means more walks in neighbourhoods and genuine conversations, and not just fancy restaurant small talk. They will enjoy connecting with you on real things like childhood stories that helped in moulding your personality. Being authentic and less pretentious will be really appreciated by them.

3. Understand their need for space and independence

Introverts need and appreciate it when their space is respected. It helps them unwind and recharge, which in turn helps them refocus on their partner and invest quality time in their relationship.

4. Allow the relationship time to mature

Introverts do not operate well under time pressure in relationships. They need time to open up and share parts of their life which otherwise remains closed to others. This means investing that time and being patient with them and their needs without judgement. It will work out, just stay calm and don’t be in a rush.

5. They are great listeners, but less is more

Don’t overcrowd an introvert with an overload of information and then feel disappointed if they switch off somewhere along the way. Introverts like quality conversations and would like to give their inputs if you choose to share a problem with them.

6. Introverts and their social energy

Introverts find socialising with strangers or large crowds to be particularly draining and feel socially exhausted much sooner than most others, says the expert. They need some time to themselves to rejuvenate.

7. Intellect to impress

While all your conversations with an introvert need not be based on a book or latest news, it helps to invoke their interest with meaningful topics that both of you share and can discuss. It can be a personal and interesting experience.

8. Decode patterns of communication

When an introvert is met with a challenge, they prefer to think through it and the process of rumination can be long. They like to be very thorough about their approach to a situation and may not respond with equal fervor immediately. This may be off-putting and worrying for their partners if they are used to immediate response and resolutions. It is important to give them the time they need.

9. Social challenges

Introverts will appreciate you paying attention to the social situations they find difficult to maneuver. For example, being your plus one in your school reunions or social events with neighbours that are long. Such events may extend for hours and your introverted partner may find it overwhelming. Looking out for them in such situations and allowing them to take a pass without any emotional blackmailing will be appreciated.

10. Be their safe space

When an introvert shares their lives with you, remember it’s taken them a lot of introspection and trust to arrive there. It means they consider you their safe space, so cherish it and protect it.