How to stop negative self-talk

Do you often find yourself thinking “I can’t do this” or “Nobody likes me”? These are all negative self-talk examples that we often engage in. Whether we are critical of other people’s actions or not, one person we are very critical about is ourselves. Making mistakes, and feeling irritated with ourselves is common, and we all do it. However, if the thoughts in your head about yourself are constantly negative, then this can be a cause for alarm. Even if these negative statements are restricted to just being in your head, and you are not sharing them with anyone else, such thoughts can hamper your mental well-being. So, if you feel that the way you speak to yourself needs to change, then learning the tips and tricks of how to stop negative self-talk will surely help you find a way that works.

What is negative self-talk?

Negative narratives and thoughts about ourselves or the situation that repeat themselves in our heads are known as negative self-talk. “It occurs when you have a harsh self-criticism and only see your flaws,” explains psychologist and psychotherapist Priyanka Kapoor. We are often not aware of the power self-talk can have on our lives. A study published in Scientific Reports, suggests that self-talk can affect our cognitive performance. It adds that negative self-talk can impact emotional wellbeing.

Why do people indulge in constant negative self-talk?

Are you wondering where negative self-talk comes from? Here are some of the reasons why people indulge in negative self-talk:

1. Low self-esteem

People with low self-esteem and confidence frequently engage in negative self-talk in a variety of contexts, including relationships, careers, social settings, and decision-making. “This may exacerbate already existing emotional problems. Self-defeating habits result from this,” says Kapoor. A study, published in Scientific Reports, states that low confidence often leads to self-criticism.

2. Low resilience

People who are more fragile and have low resilience tend to think negatively because they become overwhelmed and overthink things, which results in negative self-talk. A study, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, states that resilient people have the power to bounce back from situations and adapt quickly. Whereas, people who are not resilient, get stuck in a negative rut.

3. Life events

Unfortunately, experiencing a lot of challenging life events, such as a divorce, sickness, or a change of home, can often leave people feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and stressed, which can result in negative self-talk. A study, published in Psychology of Sport and Exercise, observes the relationship between stress and negative self-talk in runners. It states that high levels of stress lead to high levels of negative self-talk as well.

4. Mental health conditions

Some conditions such as psychiatric disorders, anxiety, or depression can cause negative self-talk. This cycle can also cause additional emotional, behavioural and relationship problems. The cycle can also work vice-versa and numerous mental health conditions can also be brought on by negative self-talk. A study, published in Acta Psychologica, showed that persistent negative self-thinking was associated with depressive symptoms.

Also Read: High-functioning anxiety: Know causes, symptoms and how to deal with it

5. Childhood experiences

Your childhood and early experiences can have an impact on your personality. Childhood traumas can lead one to constantly talk oneself down, and be low on self-confidence. A research paper, published by the National Institutes of Health, elaborates on self-concept, what we understand of ourselves, and how this regulates our behaviour. It states that these are important during childhood.

6. Social and cultural factors

Some people are exposed to excessive social and cultural influences. “These can result in rigid, negative ideas, which in turn can cause negative thought patterns. This results in self-defeating habits and negative self-talk,” explains Kapoor.

Who is more prone to negative self-talk?

Negative self-talk is common among those who experience anxiety, sadness, vulnerability, low self-esteem or are going through a difficult time in life. A study, published in Frontiers in Psychology, states that women report greater levels of negative thinking than men. This also explains the gender differences in mental illnesses such as depression.

How does negative self-talk affect you?

Running yourself down can have a serious impact on your mental wellbeing, which, in turn, can have physical consequences as well. Negative self-talk causes self-criticism and self-sabotage, which lowers your self-esteem. “People with negative self-talk or negative ideas about the other person or situation may find it difficult to communicate, may withdraw from expressing their emotions, and may get irritable, all of which can result in misunderstandings and disputes,” says Kapoor.

Those who are constantly engaged in negative self-talk may have low self-esteem, which can cause them to make poor decisions about everything, from huge decisions like choosing a professional path to little ones like what to wear to a party. Negative self-talk causes low self-confidence, which can have an impact on both your performance and relationships at work. Negative self-talk can make you very pessimistic and rigid. “Addiction, violent conduct, procrastination, and social isolation can all be caused by negative self-talk. As a result of an overabundance of negative self-talk, emotional problems arise, which can cause migraines, high blood pressure, hypertension, and psychosomatic problems,” explains Kapoor.

Also Read: Here’s a 3-step guide to deal with negative self-talk once and for all

How to stop negative self-talk?

Here are some of the ways to overcome negative self-talk

1. Mindfulness and Meditation

This can help to increase focus, control over mind and body, patience and tolerance. These techniques help recognize and lessen the effects of negative self-talk. While meditation cannot stop negative thoughts, it helps us to manage these better.

2. Positive Affirmations

One can stop self-sabotaging and demotivating oneself by engaging in positive, affirming comments. Affirmations such as, “I am powerful”, “I can do it”, and “I am enough”, can help you think better about yourself.

3. Journaling

Putting ideas and emotions on paper can help break negative thought patterns by providing context and pointing out trends. Maintaining a journal can also help you detect a pattern in the way you think about yourself. You can understand your triggers for negative self-talk, and work on them.

4. Support groups

Friends, family, or support groups for assistance can help you overcome negative self-talk. You can encouragement and alternative viewpoints from people around you, which can help you not be so critical about your actions.

5. Recognising the underlying cause

There are a lot of underlying problems and beliefs that lead to negative self-talk. “Understanding the underlying problem is more crucial than just treating the symptoms. It’s critical to delve deeper and address the fundamental issue,” says Kapoor.

6. Seek help

Going to a therapist and seeking specialised techniques can help you feel better. “Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can assist people in recognizing and challenging harmful thought patterns, accepting themselves and their circumstances, and leading meaningful lives,” says Kapoor.

Also Read: Negative self-talk can wreck your mental health. Here’s how to stop

Summary

Negative self-talk is when one is constantly running oneself down. Words of discouragement and criticism to oneself often define such talk. Excessive negative self-talk can have serious repercussions on your mental wellbeing. This can also lead to physical consequences. It is important to create a positive mental attitude.